This Week in Slut Shaming: Spunk in the Trunk Edition

Three things I learned this week: 

1) Erykah Badu is incredible. Actually I already knew that, duh. But read here as Ms. Badu speaks about society’s inability to deal with female nudity that is not for male consumption, and the relationship of love and fear.

2) Spunk is an anti-depressant. This is actually not true, unless you believe in evolutionary psychology, in which case, gross. For those that haven’t had the pleasure of learning about this branch of the intellectual world, evolutionary psychology is basically the idea that human behavior can be explained by looking at how our human ancestors behaved over eons of evolution (because clearly we can know that) and also animal behavior. Cause we evolved from animals. Now, I believe in evolution as much as the next guy. But it’s just sooooo weird, cause evolutionary psychology ALWAYS seems to end up supporting super conservative ideas about sex and gender. What a funny coincidence! I mean, maybe it’s just that conservatives are right and women really just ARE naturally sexually passive, and so that’s why every piece of evidence evolutionary psychology can find seems to support that. And maybe we can get ANY useful information about human queer relationships from looking at same sex relationships in penguins, because those two things are obviously super similar. That was sarcasm. The only useful information you can glean from looking at gay penguins is that gay penguins are fucking cute. (I make a similar argument about Lady Gaga here).

love microsoft paint

Or maybe, evolutionary psychology is wrong. Which would make sense, cause its methods are totally flawed. See, evolutionary psychology has this funny habit of projecting culturally specific, oppressive frameworks about sex and gender onto things besides current human communities, generally things that it’s hard to have a lot of solid information about (like the behavior of people fucking 70,000 years ago or whatever–do evolutionary pscychologists have time machines I don’t know about? If so, gimme). Or they project onto things it is actually weird to assume are anything like current human communities (like penguinos). Then, they use the “evidence” gathered from such projects to naturalize the current ways that sex and gender are arranged. Its really a perfect system. So we end up with, “Too bad, women, you have to keep swallowing spunk cause its actually good for you!”

this is how evolutionary psychology makes me feel

Apparently Gaga has requested that the fragrance she is developing smell like blood and semen. Which is an idea that is at least less trifling than her new song. We get it Gags. You’re Magdalene. And you’re edgy. Something something about Judas something Jesus something Madonna something something. Who cares?

not me!

BTW, this all reminds me a story about one of the super amazing young people I am privileged to spend my time at work with. One of her colleagues asked me how you can tell when a dude cums in your vag. And I was all like, um, I guess you just feel it? Which is clearly a really terrible, incomplete answer. But since sex education is actually STD and pregnancy prevention education, I didn’t learn that in sex educator school. And I couldn’t draw on my own experience, cause I am a lesbian separatist. So everyone was looking confused. And then this amazing young person goes: “I can always tell cause when a dude cums in me I immediately feel like a have to vomit.” Explain that, evolutionary psychology.

3) The third thing I learned this week (in case you forgot what we are doing): The future is now. Ok I know everyone has seen this holographic runway show already, but srsly. 

Plus it uses my fave song, You Don’t Own We. Let’s look at the spunkiest trio ever, Bette, Goldie and Diane, being young and free young and free young and freeeeeeeee:

I know that whole dance. JUST saying. Also, yet another example of all over white looking good. Had I not looked at Cat Power last week and then this, I would not have believed it. I would have been an all over white hater. But now I’m kinda loving it. But not as much as Celine Dion. Remember this shit?:

heart of the whoa-tion

Still too soon to know how I feel about it.

In summary:

  • Erykah Badu: great
  • Semen: fine if you’re into it but disgusting when used as a tool of patriarchal bullshit 
  • Gaga: mostly triflin’
  • Holographs and First Wives Club: good
  • Backwards all-white tuxedos: awaiting the verdict of history

About blondeonblonde

we're super fucking blonde.
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One Response to This Week in Slut Shaming: Spunk in the Trunk Edition

  1. Re: evolutionary psychology. Check out Steven Mithen and Sara Blaffer Hrdy. Not racist, not mysoginist, not even homophobic! I agree that sociobiology and evolutionary psychology have been used to support biological determinism, but these two are a radical departure from The Bell Curve. Promise.

    Steph

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